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Sixth day of Advent: that fickle heart

What is the attitude of the heart during Advent?

The ordinary attitude of the heart is fickle. It wants certain things that are good, and other things that are bad. It wants some things more than it wants other things. It wants some of God. It thinks it wants all of God, but doesn’t know what all of God means. It wants God less than it wants other things that are bad. It wants God less than it wants other things that are good. Sometimes, it wants one thing; another time, it wants another thing, and another thing is never enough.

This observing of days, this looking and listening, reveals to me my fickle heart.

But what is a fickle heart but a hungry heart? A heart that’s unsatisfied. A heart that jumps from a good thing to a bad thing in the vain hope that the good or the bad thing will satisfy its craving.

My heart is hungry for something it can’t seem to find, so it searches and searches until it’s exhausted.

My heart is fickle during Advent, just as it was fickle in November and will be fickle next month.

But the attitude of the heart during Advent is supposed to be patience, patience as it waits for the one thing that will satisfy, that all its frenzied searching won’t find.

My fickle heart doesn’t want to wait in patience during Advent. My fickle heart is fickle, and so as soon as it pegs its loyalty to God, it reverts and pegs its loyalty to another thing instead.

But the other thing doesn’t fill my fickle heart. My fickle heart still grumbles with fickle hunger.

So my fickle heart returns, returns to patience, returns to rest, returns to waiting, waiting for the good food, waiting for the living water.

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